This is how you overcome:


this is where i write crap and admire other crap.
i hope you enjoy it half as much as i do.

xoxo,
a.

15th January 2009

Text with 4 notes

I was trying to be positive and look forward to tomorrow night.

But I just keep getting nervous. Another night with the ex. Yesterday he just texted me out of the blue asking what I was doing Thursday. We hadn’t discussed future plans besides the last time he asked: “Am I going to see you once more before you go to school?” …which was a complete downer. Maybe I should just stop leading myself to disappointment. I don’t need anyone that compares to him. I had it once. I enjoyed it. I fucked it up real good. Nothing else I can do.

Maybe it’s all just a huge mistake. When I would try to ask him for help, he would never react the way I wanted to. I’d push him away then realize I was just trying to get him to come chase me down to help me? I don’t know. I never feel like anyone really honestly cares/wants to help, even though I DO care and try to help… so I always alludeto the fact that I’m not doing so well, then wander away quickly from the situation praying whoever I just tipped off comes back to harass me and help.. just so I know they’re really serious about helping I guess. It’s a fucked up way to live. I don’t know how to change it though.

And I am almost so sure he has something to actually tell me. (Maybe we’ll actually make some sort of progress. Being stuck wondering is slowly killing me.) His away message: “tried of everything… especially of not being able to tell her.” So I asked if he was okay, asked what the “telling her” was about. Apparently it was a “good line from a show.” Shut your fucking mouth, I know your style. You didn’t think I’d see that, or forgot I could, and when I call you out on it you run like a scared little boy. So either he has something good to say, something bad to say, or there’s someone else - although he claimed there were no girls in his life.

Was I out of line did I say something way too honest
That made you run and hide like a scared little boy
I looked into your eyes; thought I knew you for a minute
now I’m not so sure
So here’s to everything coming down to nothing
Here’s to silence that cuts me to the core
Where is this going, thought I knew for a minute but I don’t anymore

  1. caitlinsays reblogged this from inthishouse and added:
    you know that bolded part is from a taylor swift song, right?
  2. spareunderthemat reblogged this from inthishouse and added:
    so how do we fix it and see the other’s perspective?
  3. inthishouse reblogged this from spareunderthemat
  4. spareunderthemat posted this